WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a brilliant stroke of genius, President Donald Trump has just disguised himself as a Muslim migrant so that Europe now has to let him invade Greenland.
Analysts say this could be the covert operation of the century, as European countries now have no real way to criticize Trump’s plans to take over Greenland from within.
“I’m going to immigrate to Greenland for a better life and then put the country under the fattest fatwa you’ve ever seen,” a kufi and thawb-clad Trump told a group of dismayed European diplomats. “We’re talking setting up my special Trump-brand mosques, maybe a few döner stands. I’m just a peaceful minority subculture — the most peaceful, maybe ever. If Greenland objects to my multiculturalism, I will call them racist. They wouldn’t want that.”
European heads of state are reportedly wracking their brains to find a way out of Trump’s checkmate.
“There’s nothing we can do,” said one diplomat, throwing up his hands in frustration. “Muslim migrants are the good guys, and we must let them invade at all times.”
“Trump wins this round.”
At publishing time, Trump had started broadcasting a call to read “The Art of the Deal” five times a day across Greenland.
